The Adventures of The Absent Minded Albino (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} scotttaylor) wrote,@ 2006-05-29 20:30:00 |
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Shower Heads
Rm 1112
11/F.
Yuen Long Trading Centre
33 Wang Yip Street West
Yuen Long, N.T.
Hong Kong
May 29, 2006
Dear KWM (H.K.) Limited,
This MIGHT sound a little crazy. I don’t know. I mean, it’s been awhile. How are you? I’d ask for you to ask me how I am, but you probably know. That’s your business.
After several weeks of research I have determined that your company manufactured the shower head that was in my childhood tub.
While in third grade it occurred to me that your shower head was recording everything I did in the bathroom. I imagined it snaking out and peeking above the curtain as I popped zits and stared at my face in a trance. There was a lot of oil and puss to look at. At first I was alarmed, and I would attempt cover myself while I bathed. I was particularly paranoid that a red haired girl down the street was somehow able to access these recordings.
With the success of websites such as YouTube and Myspace, it’s more important than ever for me to have wacky video footage of myself. I have many fond memories of being in the shower, and I am excited to share them with the world. I used to dance, read, write and tell stories to the shower head. I also did other things. Please disregard those.
For a short time, “Showy (pronounced like “Howie” with an “sh” in front of it) the Shower Head” was my closest friend and confidant. I shared everything with him. EVERYTHING.
I have not been able to maintain a healthy relationship with a woman, and the women I have dated are damaged and delusional. That is why I am consulting a shower head company with recordings of me from twenty years ago. I want to get a little perspective.
The Internet can be a powerful tool. For me, an albino who roams from city to city taking jobs as a light bulb changer, it’s been rough going. Did you know that many women won’t even entertain dating a man who can’t go out in the sun? I am hoping to meet a woman online who will send me her photo before I am forced to send her mine. Then I will be able to charm her with videos from my past.
I am looking for copies of all the surveillance footage obtained of me at my house between 1987-1993. You may have filed the tapes under “Albino,” “Kent, WA,” or “Unsettling Shampoo Bottle Encounters – The Suave Years.”
I remember I did a monologue from A Few Good Men to Showy once that made me cry. If I make myself I cry then I think I’m pretty talented. You’ve seen the footage, you know what I mean. We live in a world that has walls! You can’t handle my truth!
Please name your price. Also, if you are hiring, I am desperate for work. I need a new scene. Be advised, I don’t speak Hong Kong, but I am willing to learn if you pay me.
In brotherhood and shower heads,
Scott Taylor
Rm 1112
11/F.
Yuen Long Trading Centre
33 Wang Yip Street West
Yuen Long, N.T.
Hong Kong
May 29, 2006
Dear KWM (H.K.) Limited,
This MIGHT sound a little crazy. I don’t know. I mean, it’s been awhile. How are you? I’d ask for you to ask me how I am, but you probably know. That’s your business.
After several weeks of research I have determined that your company manufactured the shower head that was in my childhood tub.
While in third grade it occurred to me that your shower head was recording everything I did in the bathroom. I imagined it snaking out and peeking above the curtain as I popped zits and stared at my face in a trance. There was a lot of oil and puss to look at. At first I was alarmed, and I would attempt cover myself while I bathed. I was particularly paranoid that a red haired girl down the street was somehow able to access these recordings.
With the success of websites such as YouTube and Myspace, it’s more important than ever for me to have wacky video footage of myself. I have many fond memories of being in the shower, and I am excited to share them with the world. I used to dance, read, write and tell stories to the shower head. I also did other things. Please disregard those.
For a short time, “Showy (pronounced like “Howie” with an “sh” in front of it) the Shower Head” was my closest friend and confidant. I shared everything with him. EVERYTHING.
I have not been able to maintain a healthy relationship with a woman, and the women I have dated are damaged and delusional. That is why I am consulting a shower head company with recordings of me from twenty years ago. I want to get a little perspective.
The Internet can be a powerful tool. For me, an albino who roams from city to city taking jobs as a light bulb changer, it’s been rough going. Did you know that many women won’t even entertain dating a man who can’t go out in the sun? I am hoping to meet a woman online who will send me her photo before I am forced to send her mine. Then I will be able to charm her with videos from my past.
I am looking for copies of all the surveillance footage obtained of me at my house between 1987-1993. You may have filed the tapes under “Albino,” “Kent, WA,” or “Unsettling Shampoo Bottle Encounters – The Suave Years.”
I remember I did a monologue from A Few Good Men to Showy once that made me cry. If I make myself I cry then I think I’m pretty talented. You’ve seen the footage, you know what I mean. We live in a world that has walls! You can’t handle my truth!
Please name your price. Also, if you are hiring, I am desperate for work. I need a new scene. Be advised, I don’t speak Hong Kong, but I am willing to learn if you pay me.
In brotherhood and shower heads,
Scott Taylor
